You Have Two Cows

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, you sell cows and bulls, you buy cows and bulls and the economy expands. You sell the lot and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows. You sell one, and give the other one drugs until it can produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow suddenly drops dead. You hire a consultant to analyze why this happened.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:

You have two cows. Both are mad. You set up a welfare state to look after them. They use up all your money.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:

You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot and block roads, just because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:

You have two cows. You re-design them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

A TAIWANESE CORPORATION:

You have two cows. You send a spy to Japan to try copy their high-tech chip milking strategy. It doesn't work so kill the cows and sell all the meat to be eaten at some Taipei night market. You produce thousands of fake Cowkimon merchandise and sell it at the above-mentioned night market.

A CANADIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows. You make a hockey team consisting of your two cows.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. However, they need lebensraum.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. If only the cows would stop drinking, you could count them properly.

A CUBAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows. They try to swim to Florida.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION:

You have two cows. They are actually biochemical weapons.

A SWISS CORPORATION:

You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows. You worship them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:

You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers. The party owns all the rights to the milk. The party sells so-called educated milk under the brand-name 'Mao's Milky Marvel'.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION:

You have two cows. Your sheep are jealous.

A MEXICIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows. Both try to cross the border to get to USA. One cow drowns, the other now produces for USA.

A PAKISTAN CORPORATION:

You don't have any cows. You claim that the Indian cows belong to you. You ask the US for financial aid, China for military aid, Britain for warplanes, Italy for machines, Germany for technology, France for submarines, Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs and Japan for equipment. You buy the cows with all this and claim of exploitation by the world.

A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows. You milk them and agree to sell at the price of RM0.45 per thousand gallons. You then increase the price to RM0.60 per thousand gallons or you threaten to cut the supply. Your buyer agrees and you again demands the price to be increased to RM3 per thousand gallons. Your buyer has no choice but to agree, and you again up the price to RM6.25 per thousand gallons. Your buyer gets fed up and buys milk from the neighbouring country of Indonesia.

A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows. One cowpei and one cowbu.

Kaobei kaobu: Hokkien term meaning "to make a lot of noise". Literally: "cry to the father and cry to the mother". Means either to bellyache or nag or cause a hullabaloo. Sometimes all three at the same time.

XD